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I make error in this day. Linda says many excuses for my error, but I will not excuse myself from it. I tell her before I am not best at what she and Irving wish me to do, but I will myself to be best, and yet I make error.M’kamba will not be so easy with me for this. I hear in my mind her voice telling me how foolish I am. “You listen only to surface,” she says, “you do not look beneath. Always it is needed to look beneath, to pierce through many layers to truth, do not stop at one or two or even more, go all way to base where truth lies.”But this day I do not do. I go to many layers, but there is still more beneath all and there I do not see. M’kamba has shame for me.M’kamba. She is dead, so many years ago I cannot understand. My children are dead, and the children of my children that I never know, and their children, and theirs, and so many that I cannot think it, all dead, so long ago.What happens to M’kamba when I am no longer there, when I am vanished and do not return from. If these conditions were not enough, the situation was even more jinxed. The apartment we rented had 2 rooms with no door between them and the lock on the bathroom door was broke. One room had 2 small single beds on opposite sides of the room ‒ this was the one I had to share with Bettina. The other one was a queen sized bed that my sister and Ashley shared. There was nothing more than sex on my brain and no freaking way to masturbate!I couldn’t stand it any longer, so I waited until I was sure everyone was asleep and started masturbating very carefully. I couldn't make any noise so I had to do it very slow. After more than an hour, I was finally able to come and it was one of the heaviest orgasms I had in my life. Finally, I was ready to sleep.I looked over at Bettina’s bed and saw that her feet were making unusual movements. She was laying on her side with her back to me with one of her legs tucked up and it kind of looked like she had one of her hands between her legs. I was really.
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